On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of tree ornaments between us. Kit, now living on her own, wanted to set up her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments brought back memories of loss and grief for me, as they reminded me of children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over the span of eight years, our family grew and shrank with the arrival of 23 foster children. While most placements were temporary, our two children eventually joined our family through adoption. I was surprised to find that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even those made by individuals she had never met. It was eye-opening to realize that her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I uncovered a tree topper given to my husband and me on our first Christmas together as newlyweds, I ran my fingers over the crack between its wings and body. Though Krazy Glue held the angel together, our marriage couldn’t withstand the test of time. I hesitated before passing the angel to Kit, unsure if she would want it in its fragile state. To my delight, she eagerly accepted it, reminiscing about how she always wanted to be the one to place the angel atop the tree but was never tall enough until now.
Opening another tin, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament crafted by an eight-year-old boy we had fostered. He had made it using foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a foster family Christmas party. This discovery stirred up a mix of emotions for me, knowing that we had lost touch with him after he left our home. Kit, sensing my emotions, took the Santa decoration from me and recalled how I used to place it near the bottom of the tree so she could play with it, admiring the flames at the back of the sleigh.
Our family made a conscious effort to include foster children in our holiday traditions by adjusting our Christmas dinner dates to accommodate their time with their own families. We also started a tradition of giving each child unique ornaments, allowing them to choose whether to leave them with us as a memory or take them along as keepsakes.
Unwrapping a reindeer ornament made of pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner antlers, I remembered my son’s playful nickname for it. Reflecting on past experiences, I realized that dividing Christmas ornaments had been a significant part of my life, influencing how my children perceived the holiday season.
Kit’s heartfelt reflections on the ornaments and their significance in her life made me look forward to decorating the tree with her this year. Her positive outlook and appreciation for our shared memories promise to overshadow any lingering sadness, and I am excited to see her tree come to life.
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